Loser

I'm so tired, all I want to do is sleep. My back is very sore and achy. I have a paper due in philosophy tomorrow. I also have an orthodontist appointment at 9. After class I will make my way over to Jackson and 23rd, wherever that is, for an orientation for the chore volunteer thing. I was going to go to Jesse's show tomorrow, but decided against it. I have no one to go with, and all of his other shows I've gone to, I've gone by myself. It makes me feel pathetic. I try to tell myself it's ok to go out alone and be alone, but I can't rid the feeling of being a loser when I do. I have an exam on Thursday in psychology that I really need to study for, otherwise I would consider going...alone...again. I worry how well I'm doing in women's studies. I thought it would be my easiest class, and I'm having the hardest time with it. Well, we'll see on Thursday.

The neuro-psych had nothing to tell me really. He just said to go forward with the outpatient eeg monitoring, and if nothing shows up on that, he gave me the name of another neuro-psych at Harborview. He works in the neurological vocational department, so since I'm not trying to find a job maybe that's why he referred me to a different doctor. I just hope that I can get on top of my school work this weekend so I can start fresh next week without all the stress. Right now I'm barely keeping up. I rarely remember what I read, which makes it difficult (more like impossible) to write about. I just realized that I have a paper I needed to turn into my phil. teacher. Different from the aforementioned one. AND we have a second paper, a "one-pager" due tomorrow. They're both one-pagers and then an essay I mentioned previously. Good times. I refuse to believe that I'm not cut out for this, partly because I don't seem to be cut out for anything else, but I'm feeling overwhelmed. A little defeated, like before. I just want to start this quarter over again. The happy Amanda says, "Everything will be fine. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You don't have anything to complain about. It's not like your life is any harder than anyone else's. Just buckle down and do it! Think happy thoughts!" The tired Amanda says, "Shove it, sunshine."

"I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once." ~Jennifer Yane