Mom

     My mother fell, again, a few days ago. She said that she somehow twisted her foot, she thinks. Or twisted it when she fell. A few weeks ago she fell off the step stool. She doesn't know why that time either. She really hurt herself, and just yesterday she re-hurt herself. She refuses to see a doctor. She said that a few times when in the bathroom, she's almost fallen into the tub. Not in the tub, not taking a shower, but falling into it. Luckily, there's a bar we put outside of the tub for my grandmother when she lost her balance, so that saved her. Of course she didn't tell us when it happened. I knew she got dizzy every once in a while, but she was usually able to keep her balance. She just seems so fragile, walking around all hunched over, in obvious pain. If she can get up at all. She already takes oxycodone for her back. Bad days and good days seem to even out. Right now the bad weigh out the good. When she coughs, her whole body looks like it would shake apart. I'm not ready for my mother to be old and feeble, not that 70 is old, but she sometimes seems old. I'm only 31. Her mother was so strong at 70, and well into her 80s. Gramma met with friends at least once a week, wrote, went on trips, cleaned the house, went on walks, and read the paper from front to back every day. Healthy as a horse as the saying goes. Mom has so many health problems. More than I want to list. They prevent her from doing lots of things. She wasn't always like this. I actually envy her somewhat, of having a mother so strong and healthy at the same age, and she often seems, or is, weak and sick. Maybe I'm over exaggerating. It also makes a difference that her mother was 25 when she had her and my mother was 39 when she had me. When Gramma became really sick, mom was in her 60s. I don't want to feel like I have to take care of her, but sometimes I don't know what she would do if I wasn't here. She has dad of course. Mom thinks she's going to be around for a long time. I honestly don't know.

     I guess I've always been used to her taking care of me. Even taking care of me when I don't want to be taken care of. All children feel this way. I don't want the responsibility yet. Asking why children feel this way, not ready to take care of parents, is self-explanatory. The answer is in the question. It's because it's their parents. Maybe some kids feel like when their parents reach a certain age, they feel they have to take care of them. I remember this episode of "Golden Girls" when Rose's mother came to visit, and Rose treated her like she was a 5-year-old. Her mother was perfectly healthy with all of her mental and physical functions. So what makes children feel differently towards their parents? All people are different. That's the plainest answer. I suppose in a way, it makes me feel older. Older than 31. Perhaps it makes me feel my own mortality. This is what I think I no.