Again, a long time since I wrote in my blog. No real excuses. I either feel I have more important things to do, or I'm too tired. I took this picture of bleeding hearts. I want to include my pictures in my blog.I've noticed that I constantly check nearly everyone I come into contact with if they're wearing a wedding ring. Being married still holds status in society, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. I try not to. I'm single and I like being single. People may take pity on me that I'm in denial. People also think that I must be looking, because everyone wants to be in a monogamous committed relationship, right? Back to the topic at hand (pun intended), why do I always look for the wedding ring? Is it because in this society of the nuclear family, I'm trained to do so? If someone is not wearing a wedding ring, then I question why they're single. Is it by choice? Are they divorced? Are they in a committed relationship that hasn't reached marriage yet, or they choose to not marry? Do they want to be in a relationship? All these questions arise. We ask why someone is not married rather than why someone is. If that person is wearing a ring, then I wonder what their spouse is like. I also wonder why they did get married. I'm so...relieved...that I chose to not marry either of my fiancés. I had a hard time finding the right word. Am I glad? Yes. Am I happy? Yes, but that's not quite it. It's relief that I chose to not go down that path. I can barely tolerate my current path (regarding my living and financial situation), but it leads me in the right direction. I wonder where I would be if I got married. I highly doubt where I am now. Most likely divorced. Maybe I would be here now, regardless of whether I got married or not.
People have made the argument that marriage has lost its meaning. It's not the revered institution it once was. While in a sense that's true, but it still holds some value. Of course probably most people are divorced, which can be interpreted as disregarding the sanctity of marriage, but if it has no meaning, then why do people get married in the first place? As said earlier, it still holds status in society. It means something to be married. Why would gay people want the right to hold the same status so much? It is also the way in society to manifest your love to another person. To show the world that you love that person and commit yourself to him/her until death do you part. If you're not willing to take that leap, then you are scared of commitment or don't really love that person. Which of course is bullshit.
As I've been writing this, I've questioned myself if marriage is that important in society still. If someone deviates from getting married, being "normal," then I applaud them. My friend is going through a tough divorce, and I'm happy for her. She was in a bad marriage. I highly doubt she'll get married again. She has become into her own. It's not she wasn't her own self before. Now she's not attached to anyone. Well, she is until her divorce is finalized, but she broke that bond that held her to him, and him to her. She embodies an effervescent independence. She's passionate about feminism and the history of women and their role in society. When you're married, then you don't define yourself any longer. It's you and your spouse that defines you. You are not your own person anymore. At least that's how I see it. Another friend is her own person and nobody has a claim on her. She does what she wants and who she wants, and she loves every minute of it. A beautiful woman who is fiercely independent. There is a special freedom to not be attached to anyone. Although I live at home right now and rather attached to my parents (attached in the sort of way that I live with them and dependent on them, which I loathe everyday, but it's much different), I still enjoy that freedom everyday.
So, which is it? Maybe both. Maybe neither. This is what I think I no.
