So this evening I was at my "best" friend's fiance's birthday party. Most of the people were gone, and my friend, her parents, and my parents were sitting together. My friend tells me how much she appreciated my help with the parties and the wedding, and she really needs me, and then she told me she wants her cousin to be her maid-of-honor. For the past five or six months, I believed I was going to be the MOH. She's my best friend. I'm her best friend. I always believed that she would be my MOH and I would be hers, and she would be the godmother of my children and I would be the godmother of hers....things that best friends do. And she still wants me to help her with the wedding. Fuck that. Her cousin lives in Tacoma, about an hour away, so they can't get together all the time to go to wedding expos, pick out invitations, she told me a week ago she wanted me to pick out the bridesmaids dresses. A maid-of-honor is the one who does everything for the bride - plans the bridal shower, bachelorette party, takes care of things that the bride doesn't have to deal with....she told me that it was because her cousin is family. What does that have to do with anything? She told me that she doesn't get to see Sally very much, which I already knew of course, but when they see each other they have a really good time, or some BS like that. And like I said, she still needs my help with the wedding because Sally doesn't know anyone or know Edmonds. She's fucking dreaming. She, my best friend, tells me after five months that she doesn't want me to be her maid-of-honor, but still wants me to do everything that a MOH does? That's Sally's job now. Christina said the title didn't come with any attachments and that we're all equal. Bullshit. I had her fucking wedding planned within a week after she told me in July that she and Jeremy were getting married. Actually more like a day. It took about a week for me to see one of the venues, but I called a lot of others, and caterers, and looked at wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses online for her, because I knew what she wanted more than she did, which she fully admitted. At the time she didn't know (and I still don't know if she does) what an A-line dress is, or empire, or princess cut. I also looked at rings to suggest to her fiance. And now she's dumping me for her cousin she hardly sees?
And tomorrow I go back to school. I'm a little excited, but mostly not looking forward to it. Where did the past three weeks go? I said at the beginning that I wouldn't get done nearly what I wanted to, and I didn't! I used to set these incredible goals of what I would accomplish during a break, whether a weekend or a few weeks, and never seem to quite get it done. I did get quite a few things done, but not nearly all I wanted to, and I knew I wouldn't. I've been so tired since New Year's. Friday I didn't move from the recliner, recovering from my hangover, yesterday I was still exhausted and actually slept most of the day, and today I was still tired but was able to at least get up. I wished I was more like Christina. No matter how tired she is, how sick she is, how little sleep she got, she still gets up and does what she has to do. In high school when she would come to school on her death bed, I told her that no one really wanted her there so sick, and she needed to give her body a chance to get better, but she was determined that she was going to school. Crazy bitch.
For the last week my gramma's been going downhill. The nurse told mom that she's shutting down, but we don't know how long that will take. From the sound of her condition, I didn't know if she would even make it to new year's. Yesterday my parents saw her, and she told them that she's really depressed and wanted to commit suicide. She wanted to throw her body against the glass window and bleed to death. We saw her again today. She said she wasn't feeling as depressed. She was coherent, but extremely tired. She couldn't keep her eyes open. Her sciatica was causing her a lot of pain. She was actually crying out in pain. The nurse withheld her gabbapentin for the last three days because it makes her more tired than she already is. So it's better that she's concious and in unbearable pain? I wanted to say something, but held my tongue and didn't get involved. While we were there she gave Gramma her medication. She did suggest that we take Gramma to her doctor before she started living at the nursing home, because the house doctor never sees the patients. He just looks at the charts and gives orders based on that. I believe he goes in a couple hours a week. It's pathetic.
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." ~William Blake
No comments:
Post a Comment