For a long time I felt that people should have to take an aptitude test before becoming parents, but how to keep them from procreating in the mean time eluded me. I finally decided that at birth, all babies should undergo a procedure that can be reversed to inhibit them from procreating until they undergo such an aptitude test. Then, hopefully, only mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially stable and responsible, loving adults would bear children. Kind of like what people go through when they want to adopt. Maybe I'll call this place Neverland. I know someone already thought that one up, but I can't think up everything.
I volunteered for the first time for Volunteer Chore Services for my volunteer requirement for school. What is up with that anyway? I believe volunteering is a great service for oneself and the community, and teaches humility and compassion, but to require it of college students? To study as thoroughly as I need to, to retain at least a good part of what I read, and to spend as much time as I need to on writing assignments to produce my best work, I would need to spend at least 20 hours a week on homework, maybe more. I would like to read everything twice, but I just don't have that kind of time, despite that I don't have a job. And the students who do go to school full time and work? I did that once, but with my seizure disorder I don't know if I could do that again, not that I want to. As it is, I would like to take 4 classes a quarter, volunteer for gay rights, the elderly, planned parenthood or someplace similar to it, and someplace for animals, become more active such as exercising regularly and maybe take a yoga class, read books outside of school, spend time on a hobby, such as knitting, and still have a social life. Again, if I had the money, I would love to visit more museums and see all types of performing arts. Diego has 11 or 12 houses he needs to sell, but because he's so busy with his other companies, he doesn't actively market them. So, I was thinking of doing it for him, like posting them on craigslist and msn. If a house sells from my posting, then I would receive a fee of $500 or so. If I commute by bus everyday, then that adds on at least another 8 hours a week, and then the hours I actually spend in class....and they want to require us to volunteer? I have a hard enough time as it is right now just keeping up with school without all the other things I want to do. I thought we attended a university, not a high school. I also have my own ideas about what should be taught in high school, but I'll save that for another day. Maybe all universities are like that. Enough complaining.
So, we went to this lady's apartment, and it was...nothing like I've seen before. It was in dire condition. She lives in Section 8 housing, and the manager told her if she didn't get her apartment up to code that she will be evicted and will face permanent homelessness. She definitely had hoarder tendencies, but not like people on the show "Hoarders." Those are probably only extreme cases. I helped clean the kitchen. I have two things to say about that - old sour cream in the sink and chicken bones stuck to the counter. That is definitely not what I signed up for (and a selfish part of me thinks we should get double hours for that), but I felt good about myself that I helped a stranger who really needed it. To blow my own horn, I bet not many people are willing to spend their Saturday afternoons like that. If I knew how disgusting it was going to be, I'd do it again.
In my last entry, I wrote about the feeling of something always bearing down on me; making it impossible, or seem impossible, to move forward with life and do things that I want to do instead of taking care of "emergencies" that are part of life. As I read my psych book earlier, I came across this passage that gives little hope for a bright and happy future. I almost found it funny if it wasn't so sad. I actually have experienced all of these already.
"In later life, challenges arise: Income shrinks, work is often taken away, the body deteriorates, recall fades, energy wanes, family members and friends die or move away, and the great enemy, death, looms ever closer."
I know this probably sounds stupid, but sometimes I'm afraid of being too much. Of rising above the soft murmur of everyday life and openly take a stand on something - to be a leader. I feel safe as a soft-spoken follower who doesn't make waves regardless of whether I think changes need to be made or not. I think that Eve Ensler wrote something similar to this. Then I fantasize about being the tireless volunteer who fights for her convictions, and having a relationship with politicians who can actually make these come to fruition. Of stirring things up like in the '60s and '70s with the protests and marches and sit-ins. Of looking retribution in the eye and relentlessly push forward. But keeping my head low, keeping to myself, doing my own thing is safer. Besides, who has time for all that? I may have time right now, and maybe had time over the summer, but I start school in five weeks [add hint of sarcasm]. What if I really achieved that? What if I fail? Can I fail? Can little ol' me really make a difference? I was talking to a woman at that potluck who was an activist in the '70s, and she said she can't believe how complacent my generation is. Where are the leaders? Why don't people care? I gave her the usual rhetoric, that people are self-centered, caught up in their own lives, think those issues don't really affect them, etc. But what is really so different from 40 years ago? She said that someone needs to take a stand and motivate the young people. I felt like she was talking to me, and maybe she was. I wouldn't even know how to go about something like that. Could I get people to care in such an apathetic environment? Do I personally want to motivate people to care, and to do something about it? I really don't know the answer to that question.
